The Evil Within Me...

The Fight Is On!

2007-10-19T22:06:00.000-07:00

Things have been quiet lately,
with my master sleeping peacefully.
As I sat beside her,
with my sword protecting her at all costs,
someone approached the door.

"Someone is attacking our village. We need your help o Samurai!" yelled the lad.

As soon as his sentence finished,
My Master came out of her room.
She heard everything.

I had to go because it was my duty.
I was born to serve,
to protect.

I had no other choice but to go.
I have to fight.

Suddenly, my master pulled me,
and said "Oniisan, go out there and fight.But, remember me. Ki o tsukete oniisan"
Those were her words,
of wisdom.
However, I could feel the sadness and loneliness in her.

I summoned all my courage and took my sword.
Before I left,
I approached her,
and handed out my Sakabato to her.

I said " This will be your bodyguard. Whatever happens to me, my spirit will live on in this sword, so you'll never be alone imoto-chan"

Till then, sayounara.

Drifted Away...

2007-06-18T07:17:00.001-07:00

I fought with you as a comrade,
I wandered with you as a fellow companion,
I protected you as a bodyguard.
But,
Why are you drifting away from me?

Ever since I recovered back then,
you've been silent.
Very silent.
When I approach you,
you find means and ways to run away from me..
What did I do?
Are you afraid that I'll kill you like I did the last time?

If it is,
I understand..
For my sword DID try to kill you.
Consumed by rage,
I wanted to kill you.
"Hitokiri", the title that i was given back then.
Yet i still keep it until now.
as I'm still an assassin.
But for all the souls that I have taken away,
Gomenasai..
I protect now,with my new Sakabato,
and vowed not to kill ever again,
just to atone for my sins, and the blood that i have shed.

But now,
what's happening to you O' Sensei?
Ogenki desu ka sensei?

~To be replied by Master DBC~

The Full Moon...

2007-06-09T04:06:00.000-07:00

The night was silent and dark,
yet bloodshed was still going on.

As I see the full moon,
it reminds me of the promise we made.
Remember?
You said you would return when the full moon arrives..
And now you are..
With me by your side..

No matter how sorrow you may be,
there is happiness inside you.
No matter how anger engulfs you,
there is always something to cool you down.

Behind that violent side of yours,
lies a nice side of you.
But i prefer both to be present,
because that makes you who you are.

As time flies by,
my eyes start to close,
sought to have a peaceful mind..

Revival..

2007-06-06T02:30:00.000-07:00

"The light of hope,
shines upon me once again.."
I thought of this when I opened my eyes.

My master was by my side,
sleeping.
I guess she was tired after all the waiting.
Maybe I was unconscious for too long..

As I was merely trying to figure out what happened,
I saw my master's claws,
covered in blood..
MY blood..

I took the liberty of using my clothes to wipe it all off..
I can't bear to see my master stained in blood.
As she woke up,

I hugged her..

And said "Gomenasai, sensei....."

Sorry,
the first time i've said this word to my master.
I guess she does care about me a lot..

What happened in the past,
has now made me REALLY stronger than before..
And now I stand beside her,
serving her as her Samurai,
her bodyguard, her friend,
her family..

However,
the Slayer within me can never be removed.
I have to control it..

Tears of Sadness...

2007-06-04T01:47:00.000-07:00

I picked up my chipped blade,
and went for a thrust to her heart,
with every ounce of my strength..

But I felt something went through me...
I coughed out blood..
Why?
Her deadly claws..
I was so obsessed with killing,
yet i didn't care for my life..

As I fall,
I noticed something that I have never seen in my master's eyes..
Tears..
She lost something that she truly loved..
Me..

I realised that now..
I wasn't merely a Samurai.
She treated me as a friend,
in fact as family...

As I lie on the ground still,
with my hands covered in my blood,
my master cried.
She didn't want me to go..
She wanted the old me...

My fiery eyes,
turned to eyes of compassion once more..

But I guess it's too late...

Lost Memories....

2007-06-04T00:39:00.000-07:00

Fighting blindly in the midst of war,
a hand approached me.
It was my master.

And there i was,
torn into shreds..
With slashes and bruises all over me..
I can barely stand up with all the pain,
the suffering.

All that was left was only a chipped blade,
of my sword..
After all my years of service as a samurai,
I have never faced death as beautiful as this.

Master,
I'm not the Samurai you knew anymore.
Many things changed as you were away.
I was filled with anger and despair..
To kill,
my hatred to even destroy the world.
I don't know what came over me.

Master,
if you were to allow,
please let me die.
Let me committ hara-kiri..

I placed the tip of my chipped blade,
on my stomach.
But I await for my master's call to let me do so..

Tears of blood.

The Strength To Fight

2007-06-02T01:36:00.000-07:00

Day after day,
i faced many enemies,
and killed many of them.

But,
every fight left me cuts and slashes.
Which are deep in my body,
weakening me every single day.

Everytime when I wake up,
I no longer wake up in happiness,
but in pain,
sorrow..

I realised that all this fighting,
has wore me down badly,
draining every ounce of my strength,
just to be stronger,
as I had promised my master when she return.

But,
can I go on like this?
can I still continue to protect and serve my master?
I'm slowly getting weaker..
I can barely stand on my own two feet..

I tremble when I hold my sword.
I pant heavily everytime when I fight someone for a while..

I'm losing myself......

Into The Darkness...

2007-05-31T01:57:00.000-07:00

My master has gone..
And I have to train myself.

As of today i'm no longer a Shinsengumi,
but a Hitokiri.
An assassin of Darkness..
Let my killing spree be revived once more.

To kill..
Blood..
My Sword..

These are the things that i shall now possess.
in my life..

Let the bloodshed begin..

The Promise..

2007-05-29T18:06:00.001-07:00

Young Master,
I promise you..
we will fight together once you return.
And I'll be much more stronger while you're away.

You are the reason on why I picked up the sword in the first place,
solely to protect you.
It is my duty.
You have been a great master.
But more to that,
you have been a great friend..
A loyal friend in fact.

Despite knowing you for quite a while,
I feel that I known you for a very long time.

"The will to live is stronger than anything else"
Those were the words that made me look up to you as a role model.
I admire your strength,
your courage,
your compassion.

Let this spirit of ours be in our hearts forever..
Itsumademo.
Take care..

I'll hold on to that promise....

Departure...

2007-05-29T04:06:00.000-07:00

Oh master!
I have returned,
finding the solution to my question.
Yes I have..
It depends on my inner self,
if i choose to continue to serve you,
and that i will.

Dear Young Master,
I heard of your departure.
Doushite?
Is it because of my presence?
Is it because something happened when i was away?

Even if you look happy on the outside,
i feel that you are not.
You're always unhappy with the world.
Like a cloud blocking the Sun,
who brings light to the world.

You may not know it,
but I see teardrops in you..
Tears..
Of blood.
Of your life..
Oh master,
if you may allow,
explain what is going on through your mind?

Master,
I can't stop you from going.
My last words will be,
"Take care.And live life to the fullest. Never take
setbacks as hinderances to your life. Overcome it,
and move on".
You may not know it but,
you are spiritually strong.
I see that in you.
You can stand on your own two feet.
And you do not need my presence anymore.
But if you need me,
think of me..
And I'll be there spiritually..

Till then,
I await for your return..
My Young Master..

Reflection...

2007-05-28T04:07:00.000-07:00

After the war,
I realised something..
Victory can never be achieved by one,
but by the lives of many.
No matter how many I slayed,
there'll still be more.
Trying to fight for the future.

My master,
if i were to repent,
what will be the outcome of me?
after all the deaths that i have caused?
killed many victims?

I guess..
I'm a man-slayer as some of you would say.
I'm sure my master is dissapointed in me.
To kill.
To stain blood on my sword,
which was meant to protect..

I..
Wander...
in seeking of an answer..
and a solution..
To repent..

Defeat

2007-05-28T03:12:00.000-07:00

I have returned,
my master.
yes I have..
But I have been defeated.
My comrades in arms fell into my hands..
Many were slayed mercilessly..
And I did the same,
but it wasn't enough to protect my men.

And here I stand before you,
with slashes and cuts everywhere.
Telling you how much I've suffered during the war.
But you keep telling me,
that the will to live on is stronger than anything else in this world.
And that i kept..
Somehow I survived,
but images of the dead..
can never be erased in my mind..

What should I do?

The Last Battle...

2007-05-27T03:55:00.000-07:00

The final battle is about to begin..

This battle,

determines the fate of my life..

determines what I'll be..

I have to face this alone..

To my master DeadBlackcat,

I have to face this war..

You take care of yourself...

Oyasuminasai.

and sayounara..

Wait for my return..

The Past & The Present

2007-05-25T06:49:00.000-07:00

The Past..

Seems to haunt me every now and then..

At that time,

blood was considered nothing to me.

Only the fittest and strongest survive.

I kill to keep myself alive.

Everyone took out their swords,

trying to kill me.

Well,

they came face to face with the Grim Reaper.

Killing was the only thing i'm good at..

The Present...

My days of killing are over.

I swore to myself,

took an oath,

that can never be broken.

Not to kill anyone again.

Not to take out innocent lives.

Not to sacrifice the lives of many.

The Past..

The Present..

Two different chronologies,

but still not erasable.

In my Memory..

Anger

2007-05-24T03:36:00.000-07:00

Ah yes..
Anger..
The key to behold the ultimate power.
To slay.
To kill.
It fumes up my energy,
like a car being fuelled up.

Day by day,
this Anger..
this Rage..
grows even stronger and stronger..
makes me hate those who i hate.
and love those who i cared and loved.

Despite all this,
is Anger really a source of greater power?
well,
let me ask you this..
Is it worth to sacrifice your friends?
Is it worth for you to be anti-social?
Is it worth,
your life?

It depends..
But whenever i'm angry,
i like it.
It overwhelms me..

Anger.
An Aura of A Different Kind of Power

Disillusion

2007-05-20T18:25:00.000-07:00

Many people aspire to achieve excellence..
Being the best of the best..
To be on top of the world..
But,
aren't we just going a little too far?
Too self-dillusional perhaps?

And for those who already got what they want,
they'll think that this is it.
this is the maximum limit they can attain..
However,
they forget..
That this world is changing..
It develops every now and then..
And due to this self-illusion,
that nothing can go wrong....
Trust me,
they'll be the first to go down..
Down to the depths of hell..

No one can change the fact,
that no one is perfect.
no one is THE ONE..
no one is GOD..
No one..

Sadness

2007-05-20T00:09:00.000-07:00

Whenever things don't go the way you want,
or things start to fade away from you..
You feel a certain kind of dissatisfaction..
A Feeling that makes you feel that you've been pulled away from happiness.
A feeling that makes you ignore everything around you..
A feeling which,
makes you feel..
sad...

This feeling,
it always makes me feel that,
everything i do causes things to go wrong..
Sadness drives me insane..
Drives me..
Pulls me..
Kills me..
slowly.
and right now, i'll always feel down...

Sadness.
Though it is one of our human emotions,
i kinda hate this feeling..
but,
without it.
You will not learn,
how to cry when someone passed away.
how to regret the things that you've done..

Sadness..
A mixed blessing?
Maybe..

Life..

2007-05-19T03:04:00.000-07:00

Life is full of unexpected suprises..
Nothing can be determined EXACTLY..
No one knows when bad things may happen...
or good things..
No one knows..
Only God knows...

Life is full of choices..
But it always leads to one problem to another,
be it a good thing or a bad thing..
It causes us to be in doubt of our actions.
It makes us think,
whether are we doing the right thing or not..

Life is full of emotions..
Joy,
Fun,
Happiness.
These blissful emotions makes us what we are now.
But, are all emotions make us humane?
Anger,
Sorrow,
Sadness,
Rage..
Doesn't this make life more inhumane?
Engulfed by Rage,
Hating everyone in this world...
Even himself..
Whose sole purpose is to make the living hell out of others..

Life,
is always full of trivial matters..
We are always in doubt in what we do..
Besides determine whether it is right or wrong,
it also make us think of the future..
makes us think of the past.
regretting our actions,
or planning our actions.

But,
when there's life,
there's always..
DEATH..

The Sword..A Weapon to Kill? Or To Protect?

2007-05-19T03:01:00.000-07:00

The Sword...
Oh so majestic!
The sword,
made from the finest craftsmanship..
The blade,
the edges..
they are well-made.

But,
is the sword only made to kill?
to slay many men?
to slay many innocent lives?
Oh,
no matter how majestic is the sword,
yet its sole purpose is determined by the user..

To Kill?
or To Protect?
That is something which I have not decided.